Disney world linez

ORLANDO! One word. Fucking waaarrrm! And humidity can go jump. No one...not one person warned us  that not only is America hot during summer, but it's freaking humid as hell. 

Anyhooo, we got up reasonably early (in Jago time that=10am) and made our way to Disney World. Now just so you know, Katherine and I are NOT ride people. I get scared and motion sickness just from turbulence on an airplane. Woohoo.

So katherine and I had to somewhat build up our tolerance throughout the day...didn't want to do anything CraZaYe too soon. We are pussies.

First up! The star wars simulator. Was cool and moved around a lot while that crazy R2-D2 fucked everything up and kept driving the ship like a mad man. Love that droid. 

We were all ready for a real ride now, the boiz went straight for the Aerosmith rockin' roller coaster, kath and I bailed. We were dehydrated, in desperate need of some form of caffeine and were happy to look at all the cheesy gift stores.

While looking through the stores I was overwhelmed with the need to purchase lots of Mickey Mouse memorabilia, but I resisted.

So kath and I got our coffee, and while in line to pay we hear these two 7year old girls talk about their experience on the tower of terror...and we're thinking...shit, we HAVE to do this now.

So as soon as we meet with the boiz we head to the Tower of Terror, and for me that is exactly what it was. 

A lift free falling while all you are strapped into is a pissweak wobbly seatbelt? Fuck off. I had my eyes closed the entire time and my screams alternated from prepubescent male to a 12yr old teenage girl. 

Afterwards I'm talking to Mike..

"Dude I had to grip those side hand bars so tight the entire ride!"

"Yeah, that was my hand on your right side"

Weeewwpsss haha. Needless to say, Nathan also had a crippled arm from Katherine crushing it to death, his injures were worse than mikes.

Next up, a ridiculous 2hr wait for the toy story 4D shooter game. I had fun...but I wish I never wasted 2hrs of my life waiting for it. We smelt 5 really bad farts during out wait in line.

Magic Kingdom TIIME!!

We B-line for splash mountain...but it's a 2hr wait. Fekk dat. So we do Thunder Mountain instead.

It was actually shocking to me, I've NEVER been on anything resembling a roller coaster, so for me this was great. I wasn't terrified but, yes, I did scream when it was uncalled for. This ride was integral for kath and I's build up to Space mountain.

Alrighty, that done and dusted I now felt I could definitely handle Splash Mountain.

The wait was now only 60min...better... 

The wait felt longer than and hour and we all talked about how we wanted to smash everyone with fast passes.

Children have no filter...so one kid actually feels the need to say "those guys are all still in line because they bought slow passes and we bought fast passes"

Shut up you turd, go back to your pony on your 3000acre property. We shoulda got a fast pass.

But alas our time arrives, and already I'm freaking out because I'm at the front.

Have many of you been on Splash mountain? Does anyone tell you that the most horrifying thing about the ride isn't the drop itself but the insanity they subject you to prior to that? A long boat ride of creepy animatronic forest animals singing terrible rhymes.

Ok we'll just when we think we're getting close to "the drop" we all of a sudden look ahead...and..no, you are not serious. We see a grown 37year old man trying to escape from his boat! And he just jumps off into the side ledge. Are you insane man!? Your boat is about to fall down a hole and you chose that moment to pussy out? Not only that but now his partner freaks and she is struggling to get out of her seat. I feel these two were very close to a horrific fall.

As soon as they are both out, a voice from the speakers "would the two persons who have left their boats please stay where they are, do not move!"

They freak out and run down the fire exit.

What the hell did we all just witness.

Now the ride has stopped and the boats keep banking up behind us. And we sit...waiting...For probably 10min, and I nearly went insane from hearing the same fucking creepy woodland d animals sing the same shit over and over.

Eventually the rides starts up...we all think, this is it...this is the drop. So I scream like a fucktard...but it's not the drop. Wooo

The ride still goes on for a good few minutes before we reach the end...so when those pussies escaped from their ride...they would have been wandering around in a maze of crazyness.

Splash mountain was for me, insane. But so so good.

Space mountain time!

All I have to say about this rollercoaster...I never thought I could ever scream. How wrong I was. I nearly lost my voice..then I nearly couldn't breath because I was laughing hysterically for so long.

Mike said he spent most of the ride laughing at my antics.

It was fantastical! 

There was other fun adventures had but these were my highlights. I would definitely want to return off peak - the lines can get very tiresome..and so many people just smell bad so yeah.

Good times!!

common encounters

After 3 months of travelling, we feel we can start compiling a list that highlights the most reoccuring travel encounters/experiences we've had thus far. I don't know how much this list would resonate  with other long term travellers.. but whatever here it is.

Number ONE- People farting
Maybe it's because when you travel you're out and about more, walk past more crowds. but we have heard people fart rather loudly on numerous occassions. definitely enough times to make it to this list.eg: Airport luggage claim, crossing the road, train rides.worst offender= old man on the Aaron islands. clapping his butt cheeks on at least 4 separate occasions. within a 20minute period.

Number TWO- crossing the road.
I don't know what it is. but crossing the street in a different city automatically feels alien. actually I do know what it is.. it's the fact I've never ever walked these new streets in my life. so of course it's going to be  a LITTLE different. Erin and I become way too cautious for our own good. Hesitation is 90% likely 100% of the time. Arguments occur often. yep. erin and I can have a mass blow up about crossing the road. it's true. shit gets raw.

Number THREE- Music
The music we've been exposed to in many bars or shops eerily remind us of home. Main offenders include creedence, grimes, coldplay, sting. on multiple occasions a few obscure songs from our teen years have made us tearfully joyful (jewel, postal service, James Taylor)

Number FOUR- Finding a place to eat.
This is becoming a daily struggle. 3months in you almost wish your mum was slamming one of her signature home made dishes down on the table for you.




 Number FIVE- tag team illness
Strange things have occurred. I'll be feeling shithouse one day, possibly puke. Erin will hang shit on me. Then the very next day or even a few minutes later. We will have shared the same "ill fate" Has happened at least five times. Is it a twin thing? probably.

Number SIX- Getting on the grog too early
We will have walked a whole city and seen a sufficient amount of shit by around 5pm most days. So naturally that's when we decide to grab a drink! but alas.. we have learnt the pubs that like to party.. tend to do it later. which causes a problem for our way of drinking. Our motions are generally as follows
Get drunk
reach peak at 7
eat
drink more
 head home by 10
Meanwhile.. as we're about to rest our weary heads.. we'll probably  miss out on some sort of epic...nighttime..funky.. cool .. stuff. Or even just missing out on a crowded bar filled with some sort of atmosphere. we seem to drink in many empty bars. people needed work less and drink more.

Number SEVEN- Being a lazy tourist

" You should definitely do this" "eating this is a must" "have you not seen that yet?!"
Listen now, I'm not saying we hate suggestions. I would love to eat all day, and make my way to every monument ever created. But after a few months of doing everything, you just want to do nothing. then suddenly eating the world's best burger is no longer on the top of your priority list. If my body agreed with eating shit everyday I would happily oblige. but alas it does not.

Fin.

How....what...ok just give me mah crepe!

Ok, so whilst on our travels I have had immense urges to tell the world of each food experience I have, whether is be awesome or horrible. The Yelp website/application is a great outlet for such a thing...everyone should download dat sheet.

I had a very confusing experience at a crepery/cafe in Boston so I had to share it....enjoy!!

halp

So, erin and I are currently stuck in a nocturnal state. I'd say it started during our train journey. we kinda went through a few different time zones. ended up two hours ahead by the time we got off...possibly 3. i don't know..all i know is we've been screwed up since.
 a good 3weeks have gone by and we can't see to shake this nocturnal pattern. what i wouldn't give to wake up at some sort of normal hour. I would LOVE to wake up at 9am. that's my current goal.

we tried drinking early to make us sleepy. Tonight we went to bed at 9.30pm.. it's a Friday night. we are cool.  and now I sit here at 12am, helpless. HOW DO WE SHAKE THIS? leaving the house at 12.30/1pm is starting to feel a little seedy.




I'm off to Google insomnia cures.
PCE

Trains and delays and old people

The Amtrak Experience

So Katherine and I decided we would visit Glacier national park during our American travels an the most cost effective way to achieve this was to take an overnight train from Seattle to West Glacier. 

We would spend a full day at the national park, stay overnight in a (haunted) chalet and catch another overnight train through to Chicago!

The first day/night on the Amtrak train went relatively smoothly and it actually didn't feel too long. We hopped on at 4pm...sat around...ate dinner at 9pm...slept...woke up and were off the train at West Glacier by 8am the next day. 

No fuss, plenty of leg room and an ok sleep considering we were Amtrak noobs and did not realise that to bring some form of blanket and pillow with you is a MUST because it gets fucking cold at night.

The Second trek of our Amtrak journey was somewhat different. The train was supposed to pick us up at 8:30am, however it was delayed and arrived at 11am. 

So already we knew we would be in for a longer ride than expected...further delays whilst on the train (people thinking that jumping on the tracks would be an ok idea-all good, no one was harmed on our journey) concluded that our original arrival time of 3pm in Chicago would now be 9:30pm. Yes...let the good times roll

Here is a somewhat summary and just general shit about our time on the train.

OLD PEOPLE:

The trains can get quite shaky at times, especially when there are high winds and the driver is trying to make up time by speeding his balls off. 

It's like really bad turbulence on a plane :)

There are lots of old people on these trains :)

Many a time we would watch helplessly and gasp as old couples would hobble from carriage to carriage, escaping what could be a brutal fall. 

One other thing about old people...they shrink.

At one stage Katherine and I were sitting in the "observation lounge" which is a carriage you can sit in to escape the smelly sleepiness of your train seats.

I'm facing the doors that separate the carriages, these doors have windows so you can see who's coming and going and to open them you gotta push a button.

Something frightening happens...

The carriage door slides open...yet I saw no one on the other side of the window. THEN as my gaze lowers...I see this...decrepit old man...FULLY hunched over, like...fully bent, not just a little arched... it's like he pulled a weird yoga pose and the wind fucking changed.

Also, his face didn't help the situation...he had a crazy old man face..the kind of face you would put on a mask for Halloween.

Seeing this man seemingly appear out of nowhere made me jump out of my seat while yelling "holy shit what the fuck is that!"

Katherine got angry at me for being so over the top with it all....but if only she had seen what I had seen...we saw this man hobbling about numerous times after this incident...every time he'd walk past I would look at Katherine for validation...."seeee!! Do you see what i mean now?!"

PASSING THE TIME:

The idea that I would be on this train for 20+ hours was outrageous and much like if I were on a long flight, if I think about it too much I could literally lose my mind.

So to distract myself from this I read constantly while on the train.

Book of choice: Marilyn Manson's biography 'The Long Hard Road Out of Hell'. Having too much time to think is, sometimes, never a good thing and on numerous occasions I had to put the book down because it is very fucked up in parts and I'm still trying to figure out if I like this dude.

Note to self: don't read intense shit when you're trapped on a train with no escape and have no god dam fresh air.

FOOD:

Not a whole lot to say on this topic but....Katherine decided to order the cheeseburger for lunch one day...a burger...on a train..with one man working at the kiosk.

It was a microwaved piece of sloppy shitballs.

She ate 80% of it and claimed it was "alright"....I do not believe her.

Luckily we were smart for the most part...we would eat their dinners, way better than plane food! and you get to eat at a makeshift "restaurant" dining area...and we stocked up on a loot of fruit, lollies, bagels...and carrots.

HOW TO CURE BORDEM:

Reading, sleeping, listening to music and eating is usually enough to entertain yourself on a long haul transit experience.

Not in this case. Katherine and I had just finished dinner and were bored. Bored of eating. Bored of reading. All my music was pissing me off. So we got creative

"Let's play a game!...lets play haannng maaaan!"

I was already thinking of hilarious words relating to our train journey. 'Farting man' 'old people' 'this train will destroy us'...not actually that funny now that I'm reflecting on this a week after it happened...but at the time it was gold.

Anyway, Katherine dismissed it and had a better idea, Mr fucking Squiggle. Best idea.

So for the next hour we took turns and gave ourself ridiculous time limits for completing the drawings. 

Below are our creations.

On the pictures you will see each drawing is annotated. Squig = person who drew the random lines

W.O.A= person who had to create an image out of the random lines. Yep...quite an intelligent system.

The time allocated for each drawing is also noted 8-)

Anyway, looking back it was great and I'm so glad we travelled that way across the top of America...even if it meant reaching a level of slight insanity and smelling like absolute shit for a day and a half :)

Peace out hommes

One Day in Berlin

This is the End

Did not get to see the end of This Is The End. Bummer

So it's day three in seattle and me and erin have a good plan of action. We are going to suss out union lake, then mosey on over to the cinemas and watch This is the End. We're pretty excited. It's going to be a nice chilled lovely day.

Union park was lovely, sail boats all round. The sun was shiining.

Erin picked out quite the cute little cinema. Seems to do a lot of independent film sessions and so forth. Anyhow. We grab our buttered popcorn and cola. Erin spills half our popcorn... We grab another small popcorn. And we are Ready! 

This movie is funny, we're lolling hard. The crowd is good. No ones rubbing me the wrong way which is rare and great.

Okay so now we are about half way into the movie, and god knows why  but this sense of dread just overwhelms me, and I'm kinda bending over to check my bag. 

I had placed it near my feet but as I go to grab it it seems a little misplaced so instantly I start shuffling around for my wallet, which seems to be M.I.A at this point....so I'm freaking a little bit. 

Can't tell you what made me feel frantic about my bag, have no idea where my head got the cue to check it, but as im having a little mini breakdown Erin's looking at me like, just calm down dude. It'll be there. 

I then start rambling..."dude someone's like snooping under seats, someone's behind us snooping under our seats" 

as I'm theorizing I start hearing someone in the row behind us like.. shuffling on the floor. Bam. Someone is sliding under the seats, so I'm freaking out.

Then I'm telling erin I can hear someone behind the seats.

She looks at me like I've just made up some crazy shit out of nowhere...I mean...I've just disturbed her from this hilarious movie and start crapping on about a man sneaking under chairs...no wonder she looked at me weird.

So I tell her "just shhhh...listen!"

We both listen...

Erin just stares at me...

"What the fuck!? Is that a person behind us??"

And I'm all.."yess...I can see him! I can see his feet!"

Soooo...there's this guy like on the floor, legs poking out into the isle and everything. I just freeze, I know it's easy to say you could just start talking to the guy or jump him or something.. But I'm a little lost for words. like im staring at this cheeky fucker whos been sliiding under my seat!? stealing shit!?What is actually happening right now.

so as soon as Erin's all clued on I head out to get some assistance from the ticket men. Before I leave I get up and stand in the isle. The dude is kinda frozen he isn't moving anymore. I think he knows we've clued onto him. I whisper to erin while making an exaggerated pointing motion "eriiiiin psssstt he's down here". Then I leave the cinema.

These poor dudes at the counter. I can barely talk or form a normal sentence. So the best thing I come up with...

"Hey ahh so like.. is ahhh...is it normal for people to steal wallets here? Like when you're watching a movie is it normal for people to like..crawl under seats and grab things!? Cos that's what's just happened to meeee and yeah.."

these guys are lost for words. Told me it definitely isn't a normal thing, especially in this particular area.

As I'm fumbling over words trying to form a coherent sentence. Erin comes and informs us all that she's seen the guy stand up, she's made eye contact with him and thinking he'd make a break for it shed catch him out here but he went to the ol' cinema screen exit! Sneaky shit.

Anyway, lame...feeling helpless the cinema people are very helpful, allow me to use their phone to cancel my cards. Because that's all that's on my mind right now. Do not want anyone taken me monaye.

The cops get called out so Erin's letting them know the dealio while I suss out my cards. 

The film ends and everyone's filing out. While I'm on the phone I see a lady with my wallleeetttt. Praise some sort of higher being. The dude had ended up ditching my wallet a few rows down. Taken 30bucks. Left me a one dollar bill in there. APPRECIATE THAT MATE. 

So I didn't make a claim or charge or anything, turns out a lady got done two days ago in the same cinema.

Weird evening.

I don't think I can shake the image and sound of the man sliding like a snake on his belly for a few more days but yeah...

So yes..lessons learnt? 

Just keep your bags on your lap when watching a moofie. 

It's funny because when people hear of this craziness they might think, "we'll I would always keep my bag on me at all times.."

But would you? Even if it were quite a fancy nice little area in America

with a pretty good system for checking ticketed guests...and if you needed more lap room for the insane amount of popcorn you were eating...and if all the people in the cinema were just well rounded Americans who enjoy a good laugh?

HAS IT COME TO THE POINT WHERE WE AS CITIZENS DO NOT HAVE THE FREEDOM TO PLACE OUR BAGS BETWEEN OUR GOD DAM FEET? (yes people...bag was between my feet and this nifty dude manouvered it out!? Argh)

 

I really do hope this is the last story involving theft and men crawling underneath my seating area. 

So now I have cancelled all my cards. Even though I got them back. But who knew that would have been the outcome. In my mind I was never going to see that wallet again.

Seattle was great, I will hold no grudge.

Random note. The policeman had braces...and he was 55years young.